She is Risen

“Baby Girl” started life as a dream I had 8 years ago (uh-oh, he’s going to talk about his dreams) and grew into a scenario that I couldn’t quite get out of my head.  In the dream, I was a girl (great, this is going to get way, way too personal) walking home at night.  It quickly segued into a variation on the “jump dream” in which your sleeping body is physically jerked around while something violent happens in your dream.  I dreamt that I was flung through the air, high above the houses and then landed hard.  I was then jerked around some more before landing in the middle of a street, splintering the asphalt.

At the time, I worked the night shift at UPS, loading trucks into the wee hours and daydreaming.  It was also around then that Anchor Bay had the excellent good taste to release SUPERGIRL on deluxe dvd.

http://www.dvdfile.com/review/supergirl-5786

I can’t remember if I read the above review before or after that dream (I’m going to guess that it was before), but I obviously had the notion of super girls on the brain.  And it’s sort of a pity that the picture no longer seems to work in that article because it perfectly captured the look of blank defiance that made Helen Slater so much fun.   As an added bonus, she was a physical mash-up of myself and the only friend I retained from living in California (Hi, Stel’!).  If Stella and I had a daughter, she might look like this:

Or this:

The above picture is me in my Halloween costume.  Not bad, eh?

Actually, the beauty of Helen Slater is that she looked like Stella as Supergirl and looks more like me when incognito as Linda Lee.    It’s all about the hair.

Anyway, with Supergirl on the brain, I never doubted what my dream was about.  It was about having the ability to fly, but not knowing what to do with it.  See, I figure that if you do have the ability to fly like Superman or Supergirl, then it’s probably a matter of body chemistry driven by will or instinct.  It would be like having a tail.  You can appreciate how an animal makes their tail move without really understanding how it would feel to have and control one since you’ve never had one yourself.

So, if you spent your whole life without the ability to fly (or unaware that you had it) then to suddenly have it take hold of you without the ability to control it would probably be a little bit terrifying.  And seeing as I’m fond of neither heights nor roller coasters, it’s a gift that would be wasted on me.

It’s a giggle to watch Helen Slater bring her wholesomeness to a rather blank slate of a heroine, but what if she were someone who just wanted to hang out with her friends and chill (if you know what I mean), watch movies and hook up?  In other words, how much cooler would it be if Supergirl were someone we could relate to?

I remember daydreaming about my reinvention while loading UPS trucks into the wee hours.  I imagined Supergirl busting into a warehouse like the one I was in and getting blasted in the face by some kidn of weaponized THC.  The idea being that she would be really fucking stoned by the time she got to the back of the warehouse.  I then imagined her grabbing one of her friends later (or even a baddie) and sort of stressing out over the realization, “I’m a fucking extraterrestrial!”

Because, ya know, if you discovered that you were an alien after being raised as a human, it would probably mess with your head.

So, that was then.  I let the idea drift away, because I knew that DC Comics would never allow me to introduce sex and drugs to their red, blonde and blue Aryan princess.  And besides, who needs another aspiring pulp writer?

Flash forward to this Spring, 2008.  I see the trailer for HANCOCK with Will Smith as an alcoholic super man.  One shot has him landing badly on asphalt and leaving a crater.  I then realized that I should probably get moving on my unwritten story ideas before they all get turned into Will Smith movies.  After all, I’d already tried to convince myself that my character didn’t need to be Supergirl.  And in all honesty, she never really was.

So many things were in bloom this past May, but the blossom that just keeps on blossoming is my superheroine.  She has two mothers as well (hot!), but I may save that for another blog.  One individual nudged me to move forward with this delightfully sordid tale and another has provided ongoing encouragement and support (oof, this is starting to read like an “Acknowledgement” section at the beginning of a novel; you know, those bits you always skip over since you have no idea who the author is referring to).

Actually, our heroine has a third mum and that would be Amber.  Em’ provided the catalyst (and a whole lot more) towards getting this project rolling and Sam’ has been a patient and enthusiastic supporter through one rough summer, but Amber is the one who put her foot in my ass (hot!) to make this thing happen.

But I do want this thing to live and I want it to be something which will please me as well as those who are close to the project on varying levels.  Secondly, I want it to also be something which will appeal to all of those invisible potential readers out there in the darkness.

In terms of where it’s coming from, there’s actually two or three conflicts I’m dealing with.  Initially, it’s just a high concept for a pulp story.  Just what the world needs.  The actual set-up for “Baby Girl” doesn’t promise high art, but it does have a hook that people who don’t or care about me or my friends or my relationships can perhaps sink their teeth into.  The thing is, I started developing the characters and hashing out the story over the summer, much of which I spent in a pretty bad mood.  George Lucas has repeatedly blamed the fact that he wrote INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM while going through a divorce for the film’s relentelessly bleak tone.  I think I now understand what he meant by that.

But, you know?  Days become weeks and weeks become months.  Wounded feelings (and egos) heal, bruises fade and one day you realize that you’re actually having one of the best times of your life.  You just have to make the decision to enjoy it.  I don’t believe in an afterlife, but the idea of Heaven that we were sold as young church-goers is a bit like the friends who are waiting for you once you learn to get over yourself.

So, I’m now proud to announce that “Baby Girl” will be a story about a group of happy fun friends, who hang out and encourage one another to grow, live, love and learn.  They smile, make happy fun conversation, have happy fun sex and teach you to live your life in a happy fun way.  At the end, you’ll think to yourself, “Thank you, Happy Fun Twenty-Somethings!  You’ve taught us the meaning of life!!”

Okay, wait.  You know what?  Fuck that shit!

All three of the muses for this story have accused me (by which I mean they’ve astutely observed) that I tend to like drama.  Well, yeah!  I think we can all agree that drama makes for a good story.  Well, certain kinds of drama.  If you’re Elizabeth Wurtzel (author of “Prozac Nation”), people get tired of your ass really quick.  How bad would it suck to sit down to a story called “Baby Girl” which you understand to be a black comedy about a atypical young woman with super powers and an attitude only to find that it’s a big bucket of emo swill in which the author vents his gender bending issues and post break-up bitterness?  

The biggest problem with wallowing in those kinds of feelings (other than the fact that they make you seem like a self-absorbed asshole) is that they have a short shelf-life.   It’s like using thin, breakable twigs to fuel your creative fire.  You’ll suddenly find one day that your fire has burned out and you are no better illuminated for having tried to warm yourself by it.

And for all of this, “Baby Girl” is still going to be that kind of story…to a point.  The arc and ending I came up with was a little too good to abandon.  It’s a downer ending, but it’s also a set-up for a sequel which I hope will be a lot more conventionally fun.  “Baby Girl” will be a story about a young woman who tries to ignore the fact that she has super powers, but “She Is Risen” will be about women (and a guy or two) who step up to become the mythological figures that they are clearly meant to be.

I’ve been taking my good sweet time with “Baby Girl,” but it’s turned out to be necessary.  I needed to reach a head space where I’m able to finally write a story which will please everyone in the small group that I’m writing it for (including myself).  Ultimately, it’s a long journey down a short road (I don’t anticipate the need for “Baby Girl” to be very long) towards “She Is Risen.”

It’s with “She Is Risen” that we’ll start to have a lot of fun in an inclusive way.  “Baby Girl” is an insular story that I’m writing for myself and my friends.  “She Is Risen” is going to be a little more ambitious than that. 

For one thing, I anticipate an in between project linking the two stories featuring an anthology of work written by people other than myself (preferrably women for reasons that will be clear when you start to see where the story is going).

And, yes, there will likely be merchandise at some point (right, Amber?), but the one idea that I’m the most excited for is a plan to do a Tarot card deck based on the characters and the unique religious belief system that springs up towards the end of the first story (before dominating the second).  How will this work?  Which characters will be reflected on which Tarot?  Well, that will be determined by an actual reading and not assumed before.  I’d prefer to let the forces of the random dictate where that’s going to go.  And I’d also like for each of the muses to have their own readings to throw into the mix.

I’m not so proud that I won’t relinquish some of my authorship for the future of this story.  Hell, no less than three people are allowed to have direct input into it (should they choose).  In the future, we may invite in a lot more, but there will be a screening process involved.

But as one of the muses put it, this will be an “excavation project.”  I’m still discovering it myself.

This blog will be spoilerish so if you want to go into our story as a virgin (heh, virgins will eat this shit up) then you may want to skip this blog altogether.  I will try to be careful about posting spoiler warnings in the future, but I think you can assume that most blogs about the actual creative process will be spoilerish to some degree.

But this blog won’t be entirely about “Baby Girl” and “She Is Risen.”  It’s going to be a forum for discussing pop culture, politics and sexuality and other things that will be a hell of a lot more fun to read about.

So, with that in mind, welcome aboard!  Things are bound to get a little bit strange in here, but it’s all about having fun, venting, discussing and not taking things TOO seriously.

Oh, and please keep it as civil as you can in the “Comment” section.  There’s nothing wrong with being as nasty as you want to be (hell, I encourage it), but users who are abusive for no good reason or clearly trolling to stir shit up will be deleted.  Yeah, I know it’s the internet, but I’m sort of hoping to attract actual adults here.   Bored kids and mental midgets would better spend their time clicking on porn sites.

Oo, speaking of porn, we’ll be discussing that real soon.   

Yeah, it’s going to be that kind of blog.  I should probably mention that “Baby Girl” has an s-&-m element to it with occasional nods to implied beastiality and even some necrophilia.   Oh, what?  I grew up reading Clive Barker.   You should expect nothing less. 

If it helps, I’d like to add that the beastiality occurs with a character who is ultimately human (he just has a wolfish side to him, see?) and the necrophilia occurs with a dead character who walks and talks and doesn’t quite realize what her predicament is.  And the s-&-m?  Oh, come on.  Who doesn’t like it a little rough every now and again?

Bon appetit!

–tom (not that MySpace guy)

P.S.–I actually did want to share a blog that helped me to sort of see this project through to it’s newest, post-emo lease on life.

This is an excerpt of a blog written by Maynard James Keenan of Tool and A Perfect Circle.  He posted this on the MySpace page of Puscifer, his newest (and most self-indulgent) music project.

There’s wisdom here:

“Here we are a work in progress. We’re attempting to grin and tap our foot in the midst of an ocean of chaotic processes and perceptions. It’s an anything goes, light hearted party.

“Backing up a bit.

“Shit happens to some of us. Traumatizing events occur and then we spend the rest of our lives, either consciously or unconsciously, trying to work it out. Some of us become the aggressors, inflicting the same trauma on others. Some of us medicate. Some of us become creative and use different mediums to express our pain and healing process. It’s a long process. And it of course gets worse before it gets better. If you happen to be one of the fortunate few who can express your self in a way with which people empathize, it can get even more difficult. The unhealthy behavior, which can surface during the healing process, is often times applauded. They applaud because you’ve touched on an experience with which they can relate. They applaud, you feel better, but only for a while. No ground is gained if we as artists only do it to be desired, praised, or accepted. The trick, for those who have chosen this expressive path, is to remember why you’re here. The trick is to remember that you’re here to heal and find resolution. That way if you stray off the path, or are seduced by the unhealthy accolades, you will be able to find your way back to the path. There are only so many metaphors for “feel my pain,” “woe is me,” and “pity this broken man.” Eventually we need to move beyond the trauma, otherwise we’re just a broken record and we offer no hope to anyone. If these stories aren’t healing us, the teller of the tales, then how the hell are they going to help in the healing process of anyone else? Where is the hope if we are required to remain stationary, to continue picking scabs rather than move on to healthier places?

“So, Remember. The goal for us is resolve and healing. The hope is that with each stage along the way, new understandings emerge. It would seem then that with each new threshold achieved, prior darker states of being become less and less relevant. And we in theory continue to move towards a lighter state of being.

“Let’s use the metaphor. There’s been an earthquake or a tornado or hurricane or some large scale, tragic event. We’re working to rescue the survivors, the injured, ourselves. We’re exposed first hand to death. We’re calculating what it will take to rebuild or if we should abandon. We’re coming face to face with difficult if not impossible decisions. There is chaos. There are extreme emotions. But we are committed to seeing it through, however long it may take. For our benefit, and/or for everyone’s benefit. And then one day we wake up to find we are out of the woods. We have persevered. But we’ve spent so much of our life dealing with the trauma that we’re not quite sure what to do now. We’ve grown so accustomed to living under the most challenging of circumstances that we have no idea what to do with a lovely day. We are now in unknown and unfamiliar territory. So what do we do now?

“The answer is simple.

“It’s time to celebrate.”

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